Although we can’t eliminate unhappy feelings, I believe we can reduce both the frequency of them and the amount of time we spend dealing with them.
If you’ve read my book or many of the posts on this website, you might think that I believe that people can—and should be—happy all the time. I know that's not realistic. I have periods where I feel grumpy, sad, hurt, scared, angry, anxious or overwhelmed, just like everyone else. In fact, rarely a day goes by that one or more of those unhappy emotions doesn’t sneak in. I believe that is perfectly normal.
My focus on happiness isn’t at all about denying those feelings. Rather, it is about limiting their impact.
One way we can reduce the frequency of those feelings is by behaving in ways that make us feel good about ourselves and by avoiding actions that we may later regret.
One way to reduce the time we spend dealing with unhappy feelings when they do arise is by confronting them head on. Start by examining why you are feeling this way. Without going into a lot of detail in this post, let me just say that the surface reason is often only a symptom of a much deeper root cause.
The next step is to decide what, if anything, you can—and are willing—to do about it.
For me, those feelings are often reminders of lessons I’ve already learned. The lessons help me to shift my reactions in the moment. Other times, the feelings are caused by issues I’ve already dealt with as best I can, but the results aren’t yet known so the discomfort remains. Other times, the feelings represent new issues that I need to address. And sometimes, to be honest, I just need a hug.
If I can—and am willing to—take action, that will almost always alleviate the unhappy feelings.
Note that there are times when action is inappropriate—like when I am really tired and worn out, or feeling too sensitive and/or vulnerable to think rationally. Other times, I choose not to take action, deciding that for me right now, the cure is worse than the disease. Finally, there are times when there isn’t any action I can take. Perhaps the situation is outside of my control or maybe I’ve already done all that I can do. Those are the times that I rely on a shift in focus. If I can’t or won’t do anything about the cause of the unhappy feeling, then I don’t want to spend any more time on it. There are too many other good things in my life that I’d rather focus on.
Even though we can't all be happy all of the time, I believe that we can—and should—be happy most of the time. In my opinion, life is too short to live it any other way.
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