We’ve all been through this. You’ve got an issue to address that you don’t know how to deal with and don’t really want to deal with it either. Maybe it is something relatively minor, like how are you going to talk to your daughter about spending time so much time with her boyfriend. Or maybe it is a slight that you feel you need to address. Or, maybe it is something as serious as not having enough money to pay the rent.
If you knew exactly what to do about the issue, you’d just do it and be done with it. But, because you don’t know what to do or you don’t like any of your options, there are no easy answers. That makes you uncomfortable, so you get to thinking… Why do you have to deal with this in the first place! Why does your daughter have to spend so much time with her boyfriend anyway? Why did that person have to go and slight you? You would have had enough money to pay the rent if X, Y, and Z hadn‘t happened!
Pretty soon the discomfort of not having an easy answer leads to irritation at the unfairness of it all. To justify this irritation, you then relive all of the reasons why it is unfair, which then leads to resentment towards the people or events that got you into this in the first place. That just makes you more irritated and resentful, and the next thing you know, you are angry and/or depressed and you still haven’t solved the problem!
So, you start thinking about possible solutions again. There are still no easy answers, though, so you are back to wishing you didn’t have to deal with it at all. That brings up the unfairness, and so on and so on. You are on the Worry-Go-Round!
This reaction is totally normal but not very productive. You are not solving the problem, you are just going round and round – and getting more agitated, frustrated, and upset each time. Worse yet, these emotions have a negative impact on your health; raising your blood pressure, keeping you awake at night, making you feel like you really need that first, second, or third drink or pill, etc.
How do you get off this Worry-Go-Round?
The first step is to recognize when you are on it, which is not always easy. One sure sign is when you are on your third round of justifying why it isn’t fair. This could be to yourself or to a friend, spouse, or colleague. It doesn’t matter. If you are complaining about the cause more than twice to anyone, including yourself, you are on the Worry-Go-Round.
The next step is to accept the situation you’re in. Wishing you didn’t have to deal with it isn’t going to make it go away or make the solution any easier. What’s done is done.
Finally, you have to make a decision about what you are going to do. That could be something as simple as deciding to do nothing. Or, deciding to think about it tomorrow, after you’ve had some sleep. (I do this all the time with important decisions that come up on Fridays, because by then, I’m usually so tired that I can’t be objective enough to make good decisions.) Or, if the problem is big enough, maybe you just decide on the best first step to take. If you can’t see any solution at all, please refer to my previous blog post, Recognize That You Have Choices. Just make sure that whatever decision you make is one you can live with, no matter how unpleasant. Otherwise, you are just going to stay on the Worry-Go-Round, continually revisiting the issue.
Usually, your mind will be able to rest once it knows what it is going to do, especially if you’ve fully accepted the situation as part of the process. Sometimes, though, the decision you’ve made can introduce new anxiety about the consequences. This is pretty normal, too. You just have to tell yourself that this is the best decision you could make and that you’ll just have to accept the consequences. Remind yourself that there is no point in worrying about it until you actually see what the consequences are. Try to shift your focus. Find a compelling movie or TV show, go browse the internet on a totally unrelated subject, or do some physical labor that requires all of your concentration – basically anything you can think of to distract yourself. That, combined with occasional reminders that the decision has been made, should be enough to keep you off the next Worry-Go-Round.
Life isn’t easy a lot of the time. There are going to be issues that you have to deal with, fair or not. The less time you spend on the Worry-Go-Round, though, the more time you’ll have to enjoy the good things in life – and the more easily you'll be able to happily thrive.
Kommentare