This was one of the messages in my original Thrive by Wisdom Card deck. I dropped it from the current version because I think it's too simplistic to offer without an explanation. I still think it's good advice though, so here’s the explanation. I’ll start with what it doesn’t mean to me:
It doesn’t mean you have to love everyone. There are some people who are too mean or cruel or rude or distrustful to love. You don’t have to love them.
It doesn’t mean you have to love strangers or everyone you interact with in the course of a day or even all of your acquaintances. (You should, in my opinion, be polite and nice to all of those people though.)
It doesn’t even mean you have to love everyone else. You can like someone and enjoy their company without adding them to the select group of people you love.
It doesn’t mean you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior in people who are otherwise lovable. Unacceptable behavior includes violence, cruelty, repeated deceitful behavior and other forms of mental or physical cruelty.
After you’ve chosen someone to be in the select group of people you love and except when they exhibit the types of unacceptable behavior described above, here is what it means to me to love them unconditionally:
It means loving them for who they are; not who you want them to be.
It means appreciating their essence and intrinsic value even when you might otherwise be irritated with them.
It means accepting their faults as a part of the package.
It means expressing your love often, behaving affectionately towards them, supporting them in the pursuit of their goals, and being genuinely happy for their good fortune.
That’s a lot of explanation but the bottom line is that loving unconditionally is a commitment you make to a worthy spouse, life partner, relative or friend. It isn’t always easy but it is critical to building and maintaining trust, which is the foundation for a mutually satisfying relationship. That makes it well worth the effort!
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