It may not seem like it sometimes. Those other choices might be harder or have worse consequences – but they are choices, nonetheless.
If the other choices aren’t any better, why does it matter?
First, sometimes just knowing that you have choices helps you to look for and at other options. It helps you to look at things in a different way. That may lead to other solutions that you hadn’t considered before.
The other more important reason is that this awareness can be empowering. It can help you to feel more in control of your own destiny. Pick any area of your life and just assume for a moment that you have the option to continue doing what you are doing or to choose a different path. Each time you exercise that power of choice – even if you choose to continue what you are doing, you are exerting some control over your life and your future. You are taking charge. Next thing you know, you are standing a little taller… feeling a little more powerful. This not only helps you to feel good about yourself, it opens you up to new possibilities and empowers you to make bigger and better choices in the future.
Wait! You say. It isn’t that easy! I really am stuck!
Okay. I admit. There are some paths that you choose that might not be so easy to un-choose. Raising kids is the first thing that comes to mind. That's pretty much a lifetime commitment. That's an example of an area where the other alternatives (sending them to live with relatives or giving them up for adoption) might not even be worth considering. There are probably many other situations similar to this, where you feel that you are stuck fulfilling a commitment or living in a situation that has no good short-term alternative. I’ve been there myself and here is what I recommend:
Start by recognizing that you even though your choices are limited, you do have other choices and you are choosing not to take them. Next, take responsibility for choosing the path you are on and find a way to congratulate yourself for doing so. Give yourself credit for keeping that commitment, fulfilling that responsibility, etc.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help. Or, if that is too scary, you can look for free help online or in books.
Look for other choices you can make to improve your life and empower yourself. Will you snack on carrots or cookies? Will you take the stairs or the elevator? Will you watch TV or read to your kids? Make choices that will make you feel better about yourself.
At the very least, you have a choice when it comes to your attitude. You can feel cheated, victimized, angry, resentful or otherwise miserable, and maybe make others miserable, too -- or you can resolve to make the best of whatever life has dealt you and move forward. If that sounds trite, I’m sorry. The alternative is to look back on this period of misery and feel like it was a waste. Life is too short to waste any of it. Choose to make the most of your life… starting today… starting now.
What if you didn’t choose to be in the situation you’re in? What if you were crippled in an accident with a drunk driver or have a debilitating disease? It takes a special kind of person to recognize the choices in those kinds of situations and an incredible amount of willpower to act on them. If you are one of those people, you are a super-hero and an inspiration to all of us.
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